Sunday, January 25, 2009

My Personal Dark Matter

It's my personal point of view that my brain has morphed from gray matter to dark. When I dedicated to the Craft, I took a nice deep look at Inner ME and found a whole lotta WHOA.

What's WHOA? It's that part of us that goes full blown bitch when pushed far enough. It's that part of us that serial killers don't or can't suppress. It's that part of us that psychologist have been studying for decades and still don't really know what its about.

It's our Darkness. That thing inside us that can very cheerfully consider choking a stupid prick to death if only we could get rid of the body. And then our Humanity, our Social Norm Meter, our That's Not Right-Jiminy Cricket kicks in, and the prick lives to annoy another day.

My Cricket went on hiatus once and I jumped my ex at his aunt's bar. I caught him dirty dancing with someone NOT ME. And I went off. I wanted to kill him. I was pretty sure I would have run him over if my car had started. For the rest of our marriage I would often watch him sleep with a knife in hand. Wondering IF I could really get away with it. The question of "Can I do it?" didn't come up. I just didn't want to do it in front of our kids.

So I took a look at my Darkness. It scared me at first, but then I accepted it. Acceptance is key, of course. There's far too many people walking around who do not know themselves, can't look at that Darkness, won't look at it, and don't even want to acknowledge they have it.

*I could NEVER {insert unacceptable behavior here}*

I used to think that. Now I'm pretty sure if the circumstance were right I could do whatever I had to do...if circumstances were right.

If you're still reading congrats. You're not a Squeamish Millennial Lemming. Have a drink on me.

Grab the next entry. It's not nearly so dark...dark


No comments: